Where We Belong Page 3
Max was two, and Levi and I were in the car, taking him to the zoo. A car cut us off. Levi slammed on his breaks and murmured ‘asshole’ under his breath. Needless to say, we spent the entire day trying to stop Max from calling everyone at the zoo an asshole. It was one of those times when—as a mom—I felt horrible that my son was cussing, but it was also one of those hilarious moments that we'd never forget.
“Can I get Max later? That Disney movie he wanted to see came out this week. I’d like to take him, if that’s okay with you?" Pots were clanging in the background; Levi was most likely opening the restaurant for the day.
“Absolutely. Max would love that," I answer, smiling softly to myself. I couldn’t ask for a better male figure in Max’s life. Well, other than my dad.
“Great! I can’t wait. We always have so much fun. Plus, he’s a great wingman." His deep chuckle rings rich through the line, bringing a warm feeling to my heart.
“Thanks, Levi,” I say, exhaling loudly. Some things are just too difficult to put into words. “For everything." The last part is whispered, but he hears it—he always hears it.
“No need to thank me, baby girl. No need at all," he says, his voice softening, followed by a beat of silence. “See you tonight."
I swallow past the lump in my throat, determined to keep myself together. "Yup. See you tonight.".
Aside from Quinn, Levi has been the most amazing friend I could ever ask for. If I were a smart girl—which obviously I’m not—I would grab onto everything that Levi has offered me, and I would hold on damn tight. But I can’t let myself do that. I've already lost one friend; I'm not willing to lose another.
My relationship with Levi is so complicated, yet so easy. To put it simply, we each act as a crutch for the other. I’m there for him when he needs someone, both emotionally and physically, and vice versa. But we aren’t together, and both of our hearts are closed off to the rest of the world.
It took a long time before I let a man touch me after the attack. The insecurities that I harbored prevented any of my relationships from growing—until Levi. As my relationship with Levi developed, so did my comfort level around him. To be honest, if it weren't for him, I'm afraid I may have never let another man touch me again.
Levi was there for me the day my life irreversibly changed, and he has stayed by my side through it all. He held me after the doctors cleaned me up, comforted me after every panic attack, dried my tears when there was no hope for them to stop, and eventually yelled at me to get my ass back into gear. Then, because he is such an amazing friend, he went through Lamaze class with me and held my hand during Max’s birth. To top off every incredible thing he has already done, he continues to be a part of our lives and has essentially taken on a fatherly role with Max. To put it mildly, I owe Levi my life and sanity.
I wish I could kick myself in the ass, not only for allowing Levi to do everything he has done and for leaning on him so much, but because I haven’t been completely honest with him. There are things from that horrific night five years ago that I haven’t told anyone—not Levi, not Quinn, and most certainly not the police. Shame and embarrassment have plagued my sleep for the past five years, and I can’t share those details with anyone else.
Ever.
My day at work flies by like usual. Today, I worked in the emergency room. Of all the departments, ER is my least favorite, so thank the Lord this day is over, because I have wonderful things planned for tonight. After Levi picks Max up, I have a date with my Kindle and bathtub, and if I’m feeling really frisky, I may even throw in a bottle of wine.
Yay for me!
Four hours later, two loads of laundry, and a sinkful of dishes later, I find myself submerged in a sudsy paradise while electronically lusting after my current book boyfriend, Jax. My Kindle in one hand and a glass of sweet Moscato in the other, life can’t get much better than this. Well, maybe it could...especially if I had a hard warm body in the form of a man sitting in here with me to act out some of these smokin’ hot sex scenes.
Damn sex scenes.
Reaching over the edge of the tub, I set my Kindle and wine glass down. I lean my head back on my bath pillow and slink down further into the tub, allowing the bubbles to conform to my curves. Closing my eyes, I glide my hand down the planes of my stomach toward my core, which is now throbbing incessantly. My fingers easily slide through my entrance, and my lips part in a low moan at the intrusion. Using the heel of my hand, I gently apply pressure to my clit, allowing the deep warmth in the pit of my stomach to take form.
Sliding my free hand to my breast, I begin kneading and pinching my hardened nipple, starting gently and then slowly applying more pressure until the most amazing sensations shoot straight to my toes.
My heart rate increases and a fine sheen of sweat forms across my forehead as my orgasm builds. My back arches and I push my hips down, using the added force to my advantage.
Ahhhh...so close.
Moving my hand and fingers fervently, I bring myself closer and closer to the place I’m so desperately trying to re—
“Were home,” Max sings loudly from the entryway.
No no no no no...
Max flings the bathroom door open and I still my hand under the water, my breath coming out in labored pants. I want nothing more than to rub the ache that I have built up, the ache that’s on the verge of exploding. It takes every ounce of willpower I have to remain still and unaffected.
This is not happening.
This is not happening.
Repeating this mantra over and over again will surely make this situation go away, right?
I purposely slow my breathing and try to appear relaxed. I open my eyes in time to see Levi come barreling into the bathroom behind Max.
“Max, what are you—” Levi's words die off as he bumps into Max, propelling him forward. Levi cocks his head to the side and his lips slowly curve into a devastating grin.
Oh, dear Lord.
Grabbing onto Max’s shoulders, Levi steers him into the hall. “Buddy, why don’t you go to your room and get your pajamas on and then crawl into bed? I’ll be there in a couple minutes to read you a book, and we’ll let your mom finish her bath." Levi’s gaze never wavers from mine as Max bounces out of the room without a backward glance.
Levi shuts the door, the click of the lock echoing loudly in my ears.
Stalking over to the tub, he sits on the edge and simply stares at me contemplatively. When he finally speaks, his voice is equal parts amusement and desire.
“Harley?”
“Yes?" I squeak.
“What are you doing?”
“Taking a bath," I half question, half state.
“What else are you doing, Harley?”
Dropping to his knees, Levi leans in closely, brushing his lips against the outer rim of my ear. His voice is a hoarse whisper and oozes sex. “Don’t even answer that. I know exactly what Max walked in on because it's written all over your face."
His cerulean eyes and deep voice are hypnotizing and have me completely paralyzed. Using the back of his hand, he slides his fingers over my cheek. “You’re flushed,” he says softly as his hands trail down my neck, “and your pulse is racing.” As his fingertips reach the swell of my breast, he murmurs, “And you’re breathless.”
Fuck me running. This guy is sex on a stick and I'm horny as hell.
Levi leans down, the stubble on his square jaw tickling me as he nuzzles the soft spot below my ear. Dropping my head, I can’t help but watch as his hand descends past my breast and under the soapy water.
Keep going, you’re almost there.
His hand is no longer visible, but I can sure as hell feel every inch of skin it’s grazing under the water. His touch is leaving behind a tingly goodness that is quickly building the tension back up in my body. I tilt my head up, offering him my mouth, and he quickly accepts the invitation. Molding his soft lips to mine, I allow him in and our tongues begin to slide against one another effortlessly.
Oh Shit! Max!
Sitting up abruptly, I dislodge Levi’s hand from between my legs. “We can’t do this. I have to go get Max. I don’t want him wond—"
“Shhh...Max is fine,” he whispers, gently pushing his hand back between my thighs, which willingly allow him entrance.
Damn traitorous thighs, I knew you couldn’t be trusted.
He growls deep in his throat as his mouth attacks my breast. Using his tongue and teeth, he flicks and nips my hardened nipple, alternating from one breast to the next. A deep warmth takes over my body and my hips begin to move in sync with his fingers as the tension starts to build low in my abdomen.
Increasing the pace of his movements, Levi starts a persistent attack against my clit.
“Oh God,” I moan, a deep flush crawling up my neck. “Please don’t stop." Throwing my head back, I give Levi complete control of my body. Waves of pleasure begin to crash through me, sending pulsating bliss straight to my core. My fingers dig into his back as I hold on for dear life.
Levi continues to rub, his movements slowing and the pressure lightening while I come down from my post-orgasmic high.
Lifting his head, he places a gentle kiss to my nose. “That was the sexiest fucking thing I’ve ever seen." Removing his arm from the water, he uses my towel to dry it off and walks to the door. Flicking the lock, he turns the knob and then stops, turns slightly, and gives me a wink before sauntering out.
I stare at myself in the mirror. My lips are red and swollen and my neck is excoriated from the stubble on Levi's face. I should be elated, considering a gorgeous man just gave me an amazing orgasm...but I'm not. I feel nothing. I don't get goose bumps when Levi walks into the room and no butterflies flutter around my belly when he touches me. Am I okay with that? I run the tips of my fingers across my swollen lips and consider the fact that maybe Levi and I shouldn't be doing this.
I finger comb my hair and throw it into a messy ponytail. Slipping on my favorite yoga pants and T-shirt, I make my way out into the hall before sneaking a peek in Max’s room. He's already asleep. Tiptoeing quietly to his bed, I brush his hair back from his face and place a kiss on his forehead. “Love you, buddy,” I whisper softly.
Walking into the living room, I find Levi sprawled out on the couch with a beer in his hand. “Max was already asleep by the time I left the bathroom, so you’ll have to brush his teeth twice in the morning,” he says, giving me a cheeky smile.
I make my way to the couch and curl up next to Levi, resting my head on his arm. Shifting the beer to his right hand, he encircles my shoulders and hugs me tightly. “Why is it that this should feel weird with you, but it doesn’t?" I ask.
"What do you mean?" he says with a frown.
Straightening my back, I shrug off his arm and sit up, turning to face him. Levi mimics my position and rests his hand on my thigh. Taking a deep breath, I respond, “You just got me off in the bathtub—” He grins and I slap his chest playfully. “And then we come out here and sit like nothing ever happened. You aren’t even upset that you didn’t get off.”
“Oh no, I’m actually really pissed about that,” he says with a wide smile while reaching down to unbutton his pants. “In fact, get down on your knees.”
I roll my eyes, not acknowledging his feeble attempt at amusement. “See, I’m trying to have a real conversation with you and all you—”
“I’m sorry, I’m sorry,” he cuts me off. “I won’t joke anymore. You want to talk, we’ll talk.”
“Thank you. Now where was I? Oh yeah...you don’t think it’s weird that we have been intimate in every way possible for a man and woman, and yet afterward, we so easily fall right back into our friendship like nothing ever happened?”
“Oh no, we're definitely fucked up. But it’s us, so who cares?" He takes a long swig of his beer, emptying the bottle and then setting it down on the table. Grabbing my hands, he continues, “This works for us because I’m not your prince.”
“I don’t need rescuing,” I scoff.
Levi’s gaze softens and he raises his hand to gently brush the side of my cheek. “I know you don’t need a prince, Harley, but that’s what you deserve. You deserve a prince.”
“Well, I’m not your princess,” I say with a light smile.
He nods once. “Exactly. I love you, Harley, but I’m not in love with you, just like you’re not in love with me. We have filled a void for each other, but that's all it is. That's all it'll ever be.”
Laying my head against the back of the couch, I raise my eyebrows, urging him to continue, and he chuckles softly. “Because someday you’ll find your prince. But that’s not going to change anything; it’s not going to change how I feel about you. You will always be my best friend and I will always be here for you...even if I’m not the one making you come on a regular basis." His smile is infectious and I can tell he’s trying to get a rise out of me, but this is my chance and I’m taking it.
“And you’ll find your princess.”
“Huh?"
“You said some day I’ll find my prince, and I’m saying that someday you’ll find your princess.”
“Sorry, sweetheart,” he says, closing his eyes as he leans his head back and runs a hand down his face, “that ship sailed a long time ago.”
I cock my head. “I don't understand.”
He scoffs but continues, “I’ve already found my princess, Harley." My eyes widen, doing a piss-poor job at hiding my shock. Levi has never talked about his past girlfriends, and he’s never alluded to having already found the one.
“Levi...”
“Listen," he scolds, holding up his hand. "I’m only going to talk about this once and then it’s over...got it?”
I nod once.
“I gave my heart away a long time ago. That’s why it’s so easy to be with you—or anyone else I meet—without getting attached, because I don’t have a heart to give away. I don’t even know where my heart is right now; all I know is that she walked away with it and for the life of me, I can’t seem to get it back.”
Reaching out, I lock my hand around his forearm. “Do you want to tell me about her?”
“Nope,” he shakes his head. “But that’s why we work. Some day the ‘benefits’ portion of our friendship will end, and that’s okay. But until that day comes...” he trails off, wiggling his eyebrows in a suggestive manner.
“Down boy,” I chuckle, knowing good and well that he has just ended that conversation. Closing my eyes, I lean my head back on the couch, silently enjoying the camaraderie that Levi and I share. Finally able to relax, I allow myself to feel at peace, not knowing that what’s about to come out of Levi’s mouth is going to rock my world to its core.
“So...ummm...” Levi clears his throat and swallows hard. “I ran into Tyson before picking up Max. I, uh, I thought that you should know. He moved back home, Harley."
I inhale quickly, sitting up and locking my eyes onto Levi’s. My heart starts racing and a rush of adrenaline shoots through my body. I want to know everything. How did he look? Who was he with? Where was he? But mostly, I want to know if he asked about me. My questions remain trapped as my worried eyes search Levi’s face, trying to come to grips with what he just told me.
Tyson is home.
“HEY, BRO! I KNOW it’s been awhile since I’ve been by to see you...okay, it’s been five years and I feel horrible about that." With a deep breath, I resolve to say all of the things that I’ve had holed up in my damn head for the past five years.
“God, Dallas. I was so angry with you. Angry about the things you did. Angry about the things you didn’t do. Angry that you didn't try harder...for me.”
I begin pacing back and forth. Reaching up with my hands, I grip my hair
and tug roughly. My next words come out harsh and loud. “I fucking looked up to you, Dallas. You’re my big brother and I idolized you. Not only that, I defended you! When everyone else had something bad to say, I was the one sticking up for you. I was the one telling everyone how wrong they were.”
Taking a deep breath, I close my eyes. I’ve got to let this go. Sitting here and yelling at someone who can't yell back isn’t going to do a damn thing for anybody.
“So I ran into Levi a few nights ago," I breathe, trying to let go of my anger. "You remember Levi, don’t you? Anyway, I was walking into the grocery store and, lo and behold, there he was."
It took me all of about two seconds to feel like a complete idiot. Levi was one of my best friends for years. After Brit and I left for New York, Levi and I kept in contact fairly regularly, but the further I got into medical school, the harder it became to make time for anyone. Before I knew it, almost an entire year had passed and I hadn’t once talked to Levi or Cooper.
When I finally pulled my head out of my ass and called him, things were strained. He wanted to talk about Harley, and well...I didn't. But it wasn't because I didn't want to hear about her. Nope, it was the complete opposite. I wanted to know everything about her; I was just too chicken-shit to ask.
“You remember Harley, right? Of course you do,” I say, chuckling lightly to myself. “You had such a crush on her. I remember when she would come over, and you would always find a way to involve yourself in our conversations or our plans. You were so persistent, always trying to get her to go out with you. But she never would. She always told you that her dad wouldn’t let her date an older boy." I shake my head, smiling. "That was a freakin' lie."
Sitting down, I take off my jacket and lay it on the soft green grass. I lie back, folding my arms under my head and close my eyes. Taking a deep breath, I allow myself to be sucked in by the memories.
“I never told you, but Harley and I got into a huge fight our junior year of high school. I told her that she was being stupid and she should give you a chance. That maybe you guys would hit it off. But she wouldn’t do it. She always said that if something went south with the two of you, that it would put me in a bad spot and she wasn’t willing to risk losing our friendship.”